Coma Toast Students Mall the Language

Not sure if I posted this before, but even if I did, it's funny enough to repost.


Coma Toast Students Mall the Language
by Julie A. Davey

 I was grading papers this weekend when I realized that, in addition to Ebonics and Hebronics, there is another non-standard English in which teachers need to be trained.

Stubonics.

This is a written and spoken language used by students that crosses ethnic, racial and gender boundaries. Example" One of my evening students wrote, in an article on travel, " When you go to Hawaii, you need to take along a lots of incest repellent be but mate." I thought it might have been a typo, when I called it to his attention, he stared blankly at me. And only a few in the class chuckled.

Grading another paper recently, I read the words "curb few" in an essay. After questioning the student who wrote the paper, she said, matter-of-factly, "You know, the law that says you can't stand around on the sidewalk after certain hours -- a curb few." She said that she thought it was some sort of gang-prevention law. Many nodded their heads in agreement.

A new term this year was discovered when a foreign student turned in a paper that used the words, "I mall." I asked her to use it another sentence for me. hoping I'd understand. She wrote, "I mall, like scared. ya know?" Then I got it right away. How silly of me not to recognize it as "I'm all like scared." I'd heard that a thousand times, but not as often as when I taught in the San Fernando Valley.

Teachers also need to know that, "He goes and then I go," stands for "He said, and then I said." Nobody is actually going anywhere.

Well-grounded is another term of which teachers need to be aware. "Students should take courses in art, music and dance so they can become well-grounded," one student wrote.

And just recently, I've learned that "thank you" now means that "I agree completely." The teacher says in a lecture on the media, "Watching too much television is thought to cause violent behavior." The student echoes, "Thank you," as if he were in church saying, "Amen."

Last semester I had a hard time keeping a straight face after I asked a journalism student to explain what it meant to libel or slander someone. She thought for a moment, and then blurted out, "I know, I know. Defecation of character." I had to agree with her, at least on a literal level.

Another legal term teachers may hear is "bail lift," as in: "The bail lift is the guy you pay money to when you want to get out of jail." And when referring to court terminology, "A rain mat is the time in court when you tell the judge your sob story."

Today, though, as I graded papers, I learned a new descriptive term I'd like to share with my colleagues in education.

A student athlete had written a commentary article for the college newspaper explaining how hard it is to arise each morning at 4:30 to make it to swim-team practice. "At that hour of the day, I'm in a coma toast state."

Aren't we all.

Thank you. 

 Source: Coma toast students mall the language. By: Davey, Jukie A., Black Issues in Higher Education, 07420277, 04/03/97, Vol. 14, Issue 3